The following is from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Pages 274-275
by Stephen R. Covey

Negative Synergy

Seeking the third alternative is a major paradigm shift from the dichotomous, either/or mentality.  But look at the difference in results!

How much negative energy is typically expended when people try to solve problems or make deicisions in an interdependent reality? How much time is spent in confessing other people's sins, politicking, rivalry, interpersonal conflict, protecting one's backside, masterminding, and second guessing?  It's like trying to drive down the road with one foot on the gas and the other foot on the brake!

And instead of getting a foot off the brake, most people give it more gas.  They try to apply more pressure, more eloquence, more logical information to strengthen their position.

The problem is that highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent reality.  They're either dependent on borrowing strength from position power and they go for the Win/Lose, or they're dependent on being popular with others and they go for Lose/Win.  They may talk Win/Win technique, but they don't really want to listen; they want to manipulate.  And synergy can't thrive in that environment.

Insecure people think that all reality should be amenable to their paradigms.  They have a high need to clone others, to mold them over into their own thinking.  They don't realize that the very strength of the relationship is in having another point of view.  Sameness is not oneness; uniformity is not unity.  Unity, or oneness, is complementariness, not sameness.  Sameness is uncreative....and boring.  The essence of synergy is to value the differences.
    
I've come to believe that the key to interpersonal synergy is intrapersonal synergy, that is synergy within ourselves.  The heart of intrapersonal synergy is embodied in the principles in the first three habits, which give the internal security sufficient to handle the risks of being open and vulnerable.  By internalizing those principles, we develop the abundance mentality of Win/Win and the authenticity of Habit 5.


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